How leaders can unlock the power of humble confidence

I’m an advocate of the Goldilocks version of confidence. Not too little and not too much, but just the right amount. I call this humble confidence, where our sense of what we are capable of aligns with the reality of our skills and abilities. It’s a solid and balanced sense of self, characterised neither by inflating egotism nor by diminishing self-doubt.

How can you unlock humble confidence? I have the following five simple practices to offer:

Take ownership of your strengths

This is about seeing your capability clearly and objectively, which is the first step in aligning your capability and your confidence. Grab a piece of paper and write “when I am at my best…” at the top. Now fill the paper with all the ways of completing this sentence that you can think of. Then, read what you’ve written (ideally aloud) to yourself and try to accept and enjoy these many strengths.

Gathering feedback can also be powerful. Ask some trusted colleagues to offer you written or voice-recorded feedback on what they see as your strengths. Read (or listen to) their feedback two or three times. Take your time, notice any tendency to resist or discount the feedback and really try to absorb what they are telling you.

Embrace the mantra of humble confidence

With humble confidence, we see our strengths and know that there will always be ways that we can grow and develop. “I am good enough and I can be better” is the mantra of humble confidence. The “I am good enough” portion reminds us to think about our existing level of skill and allows us to let go of the need to prove ourselves. The second part of the mantra – “and I can be better” – allows us to see the gap between the current and the possible through a lens of curiosity. In other words, “what can I learn?” or “what’s my next step forward?” In this way, the gap represents an opportunity rather than a shortcoming. Instead of telling yourself that you lack something, you tell yourself that you’re learning and improving all the time. 

Name your inner critic

You know that voice in your head that sometimes tells you that you’re going to look like an idiot? That’s your inner critic, the voice of your self-doubt. When your inner critic is too loud, your confidence can lag behind your capability. Instead of humble confidence, you experience an excess of self-doubt in these moments. Try giving your inner critic a name — it’s a way to put some distance between what they say and your sense of self. Saying “Oh, Margaret is off again with her predictions of doom” can help diminish the confidence-sapping impact of the inner critic’s harsh words.

Create an inventory

Think back over the years and make a note of times when you have surprised yourself, for example when you achieved something that seemed hard at first, or when you’ve come through a challenging period. This is a reminder of what you’re capable of; your “if I did that, then I can do this” list is evidence to underpin the grounded feeling of humble confidence.

Unlock humble confidence in your team

Embrace “grow not know” as your leadership mantra. As a confidence-building leader, your role is not to be the expert who knows all the answers. Your role is to be a facilitator who supports your people to grow, enabling them to see how capable they are. In practice, this means asking questions rather than giving answers, thereby coaching your people to find solutions for themselves. It also means offering just enough stretch, challenging team members with assignments that they see as being just beyond their capability. With your support, individuals can push themselves beyond what they’ve done before. In the process, they get a clearer sense of their capability – a core underpinning of their own humble confidence.

There’s an assurance that comes from the alignment of our confidence with our capability, which allows us to be comfortable with being our unique selves. We thrive by simply being ourselves, comfortable, happy and confident in our own skin. That’s the power of humble confidence.